β€œWe face many little deaths in our lifetime β€” What is key is how we choose to respond to them.” ~Francis WellerΝβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ Νβ€Œ 
 

Hilma af Klint, Watercolor on paper, 1924

As a part of our education programming, The Seventh Sense Care Collective has begun to host events within our greater community. Our 2-day workshop Planned Elderhood centers around actively engaging with our own individual aging process in order to open a dialogue with mortality;  centered around life review and opening ourselves to shadow work, creating ceremonies and rituals witnessed by and involving our community. These are paths in which we can find a personal relationship to much needed rites of passage in our modern lives. This week we are also gathering together for the first of four seasonal events called All The Little Deaths. This is a collective space where people of all ages can come together to openly express and support one another through life's profound moments of loss. We are seeking to create places within our own communities where we can let go in order to find comfort and safety in each life stage together. We are hoping to build and support the community in which we want to consciously live and consciously die. This is community death care. ~Kirby
 

Ana Mendieta Untitled: Silueta series 1976

Ana Mendieta was a Cuban-born feminist artist who did many works of land art & earthworks in the 70s-80s where she explored the mystical and emotional connections between her body and the natural world. In her art she returned to the very elements which produced her . She called the earth her canvas, and her soul her tools. She said I want to express the immediacy of life & the Eternity of Nature.

See more of Ana Mendieta’s work here.
 

Graves works on puzzles with hundreds of pieces nearly every day at her home at the Sioux Falls Center where the staff also help her cope with muscle weakness caused by an autoimmune disorder.

In Where do Seniors over 85 Live in America? Look inside the homes of 11 Seniors, The Washington Post analyzed census data and found that fewer than 10 percent of 85-year-olds live in nursing homes. Instead, roughly half live with family, and over 40 percent live alone, including in independent living or assisted-living facilities. A quarter live in multigenerational households, and about 8 percent live in nursing homes or memory care facilities. In these interviews with 11 individuals about their aging living arrangements, they find the same information as the census findings. The photo essay allows us to see the reality of seniors’s homes, families and daily life across the country.

Read The Washington Post piece Where do Seniors over 85 Live in America? Look inside the homes of 11 Seniors here.

The Washington Post offers a calculator to compare assisted living costs by state here.

 

courtesy of For The Wild

In this For The Wild interview with adrienne maree brown on Pleasure as Birthright, adrienne says Your sorrow carves out a space for your joy and, conversely, your joy carves out the space for your sorrow. Part of being human is being on the pendulum between the two spaces. You don’t get to live without one or the other.

In adrienne’s book Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good, she offers a way for us to live in dying times. The book and podcast were released in 2019, and, yet they feel even more essential today.

Listen to the For The Wild interview with adrienne maree brown on Pleasure as Birthright here.

Get the book Pleasure Activism here.

 

Billie Holiday, 1959, Lisette Model. Getty Museum. Β© Estate of Lisette Model, courtesy Baudoin Lebon/Keitelman

In an interview with Alyse Yeargan, a former curatorial assistant from Getty Museum's Department of Photographs, the history and significance of post-mortem photography were explored. This practice, once reserved for the elite with expensive commissioned death masks, became more accessible with the invention of photography. Post-mortem photographs, often depicting the deceased in a peaceful last sleep pose, aim to preserve their memory. The Getty Museum's collection includes notable post-mortem photographs, highlighting the value placed on remembering loved ones in the past. Modern post-mortem photography continues but has become more private with the advent of smartphones, allowing individuals to capture these moments themselves.

Read the interview How Photographing the Dead Helped Celebrate Life at Getty here.

 

Julie Petrow-Cohen at her 61st birthday, with a painting done by her brother Jay when she was 16. Steven Petrow

Steven Petrow fondly remembers his sister Julie as a troublemaker with a huge smile who loved the beach, gardening, and her family. They were close, sneaking out together as teenagers to visit queer bars. In 2017, Julie, diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer, decided to end her life using medical aid in dying (MAID), legal in some states. This choice, though difficult for Steven, gave Julie agency and control over her death, easing her suffering. Steven, initially conflicted about MAID, came to accept and support his sister's decision as he witnessed her pain and understood her choice.

He believes public awareness about MAID is crucial, as many are unaware of this option. Julie's advocacy for MAID stemmed from her social justice background, wanting others to have the same choice she had. Her decision to ask Steven to write about her experience was a gift that allows him to feel closer to her even after her passing.

Read He didn't want his sister to die. But her suffering helped him understand her choice at NPR here.
 

Taehoon Kim for The Washington Post

Brian Meyer, diagnosed with Stage 4 prostate cancer at age 62, retired to make the most of his remaining years. Seeking relief from anxiety, he participated in a Canadian program offering psilocybin, a psychedelic drug. The experience, which involved group therapy and a six-hour journey of fantastical images and thoughts, deepened his calmness and sense of connection with loved ones. This enhanced connection remained with him even after the effects of the drug had subsided. Another profound effect of the psilocybin experience was a shift in Meyer's perspective on death. He became more curious and less fearful about the unknown, viewing death as a transition to an altered state, much like the psychedelic experience. This change in perspective helped him reduce the discomfort he felt about dying.

Read Psychedelics gave terminal patients relief from their intense anxiety in The Washington Post here.

 

Credit: MacMillan

In Sloan Crosley’s new memoir Grief Is for People, she works through the death of a beloved friend and mentor. Following the suicide of her closest friend, Crosley grapples with the pain and confusion, seeking solace in philosophy and art. The book delves into the dynamics of Sloane's relationship with Russell, her friend, and colleague, as they navigated life in New York City. After Sloane's apartment is burglarized, adding to her sense of loss, Russell's suicide sends her on a quest to understand and cope with grief.

The memoir is divided into five sections that allude to KΓΌbler-Ross’s five stages of grief: Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression and Afterward (instead of acceptance). In each section, Crosley dissects her memories for missed warning signs, lamenting her inability to predict what, and who, would soon be gone from her life. Crosley's narrative is marked by her trademark wit, offering a frank and darkly funny exploration of loss and mourning, ultimately challenging traditional notions of grief in a modern context.

Read NYT Book Review here.

Buy Grief Is for People here.
 

Image by Andile Buka

Ambiguous loss, as described by Pauline Boss and Krista Tippett in their On Being conversation, is a type of loss that occurs without closure or clear understanding, such as when a loved one goes missing, or when a family member is physically present but psychologically absent due to conditions like dementia or addiction. This type of loss challenges traditional grief models, requiring individuals to learn to live with uncertainty and maintain a connection with the lost person.

Tippett stresses the importance of acknowledging and validating the experiences of those affected, providing a space for their grief to be heard. Boss suggests finding meaning in ambiguous loss by reframing the narrative, recognizing resilience, and embracing ambiguity as a part of life. This approach shifts focus from closure to adapting and growing through unresolved grief.

Listen to the podcast Pauline Boss: Navigating Loss Without Closure on On Being with Krista Tippett here.

 

Resources

Perfect Days, Wim Wenders’s zen Japanese drama is a film that embraces beauty in the mundane. It follows the daily rituals and chores of a man who is a toilet cleaner in Tokyo. His simple life is steeped in ritual and living in the present moment. The films asks questions about how to live in the face of need, loneliness and disappointment.

Watch the trailer here.

Listen to the NPR review here.

Twain’s song Walking from Days of Effort and Ease is a tender folk song about life and death. He sings A few more years of paradise then I'll go to find my maker. Shake the dice lightly. May I walk the path brightly - Not afraid of living… Not afraid of dying… Not afraid of feeling what I do not understand.

Listen on Spotify here.

 

Exit Strategy’s Art & Culture Monthly Reader is curated by Karen Bellone and Kirby Lee, co-founders and doulas for the dying at The Seventh Sense serving Hudson Valley, NY. Our intention is to refocus the narrative around death, dying and grief to raise awareness and consciousness, through the lens of arts, culture, storytelling and innovation.

Please feel free to forward this newsletter to anyone you feel might benefit from these resources and articles.

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